13Oct: Research

The October 13: Day 7
Fandom: A Bit of Fry and Laurie
Prompt: graveyard


     "It's research," Stephen whispered insistently, bending to give Hugh a boost over the wall as he did so. This was in response to Hugh's latest query about why, exactly, they were sneaking into a cemetery in the middle of the night.

     Hugh waited until they were both on the other side of the wall (he had to give Stephen a hand, despite his height) to continue the conversation. "Yes, I know that much, but for what?"

     "For a sketch, Hugh. A skit, a morsel of comedic wit, a short commentary on modern life, a --"

     "Yes, yes, save it for the sketch."

     "You're the one who suggested it," Stephen said testily. "Erstwhile grave robber Barney sneaks into a cemetery with the intention of robbing the grave of a recently deceased banker who asked to be buried with his favorite possession, a ruby valued at twenty thousand pounds. Much to his chagrin, he runs into Dennis, a competing grave robber who has recently put quite the cap on Barney's business --"

     "I'm serious, Stephen, if you don't quit that right this instant..."

     They were, by this point, standing in the middle of the graveyard. It was cold, and creepily quiet, and Hugh felt a little shiver run down his spine as he stood there, huddled next to Stephen. "Can we leave yet?" he whined.

     "But the research --"

     "What research? What else do we need to know about cemeteries at midnight? Apparently they're cold, eerie and positively deserted; I think that's enough to go on!"

     Stephen smirked. "Scared?"

     "Not at all," said Hugh with a sniff. "I just find this a completely unnecessary waste --"

     At that instant, three things happened in quick succession. A cat, squirrel or other variety of small animal darted out from the base of a wizened old tree next to which they were standing, scampering across the ground mere inches from their feet; a branch cracked off of the tree and tumbled to the ground with a tremendous crash; and something pinched Hugh's ass. Taken separately, any of them would have been sufficient to send Hugh into a fit of panic. Taken together, they made him grab Stephen's arm and run as though all the devils of hell were behind him, hop the wall as though it was nothing, and limp along down the street until he could collapse against a convenient wall, in the pool of light cast by a street lamp.

     It took Hugh a moment or two to realize that the reason Stephen was shaking so hard was not because he was trying to regain his breath; he was laughing so hard that he made absolutely no noise, aside from the occasional gasping guffaw.

     "What's so funny?" asked Hugh, indignantly.

     "I bet you think a corpse reached up from the ground and pinched your arse," Stephen managed.

     Hugh gave him the silent treatment for about a week. The sketch never did make it to the air.